And so it goes that stress builds up and then releases and the whole time you feel like a shitty person as you realised you fucked up pretty badly, but life goes on and you do your best to make a shitty situation better and make amends for the fucking up.

Sometimes when you try to do what you think is the best thing you get a little too focused on things and you set yourself up for a lot of stress and uncertainty. I managed to do that by focusing on one thing too much and have now put myself and my partner into a rather tight spot. Such is life, as they say. You persevere; you do what you can and you keep on powering on where you can. At the moment there’s a lot of trying to stay on top of things and trying to power on, but I cannot deny that I’m rather stressed out.

I’d like to say it’s not entirely my fault, but perhaps it is due to not spreading out enough. I won’t get into the details of it, but it is fair to say that what I’ve done is far, far more boring than I’m making it sound and the issue is that we’re gonna have to spend a fair bit of money which may end up overtaking our income in a month or so. We’re not sure yet and we’re hoping that we avoid this, but if it happens that’s a bridge we need to cross.

I don’t really know what else there is to say. I fucked up and I put us in a bad spot by fucking up. There’s no debt, thankfully, but we’re still going to have to spend money and that’s going to be the difficult part. Roof over head and all that.

It comes down to the almighty “We’ll see what happens”, but of course I need to include that we’ll persevere somehow. I’ve been through shitty situations and I’ve been through good ones too, and I am hoping that this all ends up being a great big nothing that only leads to a bit of high stress for a short period of time and nothing else. That is always the hope, but you never know with these things and as often and expected as it is, things can come fast and en masse, but they can also come fast and scattered.

Of course it’s all an adventure of sorts and you work to overcome adversity, but it’s tiring and I’m exhausted at this stage. I keep on going and so I keep on trying, but I need to make sure to not be so focused on one thing to help us in our situation as being singularly focused hasn’t helped thus far and I doubt it will help down the track.

Anyway, that’s my rambling done for tonight. I’m going to take it easy for the rest of the evening, as I feel it’s needed.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 08:17:24

A bit of feeling sorry for myself here. Slow writing but mostly concise.

Written at home.