Need to really stop putting pressure on myself to get these things written as it does not help with the thinking through of things.
Need to really stop putting myself under pressure by waiting until the last minute to get these written. Does not help with the thinking as what I’m thinking about is how I need to get this written and how there is not enough time for me to get the writing done. Oh well. Such is life and all of that other stuff.
Sitting here, thinking about the music that is coming out of the speakers and thinking about today is a short day. It is a short day and I’m here and I get to experience it in all of its existence. I get to experience being here and present and I get to think about things. I think about obligations and I think about other things too.
I am already struggling. Putting this in the last half of a break was not a good idea. It was a bad idea, some might say. My writing is all over the place and I’m not gliding in the way I want to be gliding.
I could be writing about ideas. I could be writing about concepts. I could be expressing things related to the environment. I could be discussing marine science. Instead I am once more writing about writing, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is when you’ve written the same thing over and over and you’re tired of the subject.
Maybe all writing is writing about writing.
Anyway, I sit here. Music. Stuff. All those other things. Lock myself into a circular state of procrastination. There’s a door there and I can step through, but for some reason instead of doing so I choose not to. I choose to lie prone on the floor and let the room keep on rotating in a slow manner. It does not help anything but at least it keeps me in a realm of familiarity. It is a bad realm of familiarity as it does not allow for growth, but I stay here and I refuse to open the door.
I should open that door. I should step through and look outside and embrace what is there. I need to move away form this subject, but the ground, despite its hard and cold surface, remains comfortable by way of knowing this particular bit of ground. However, what I know is only surface as there is the possibility of digging through, but I refuse to do that too.
I could either dig or I could open the door. At this stage opening the door is probably the better option., but the options are there. I could discuss the options, but I’d rather not and just get on with getting up and getting out. I feel that that is a more productive use of my time, and probably a necessary use. Therefore, that is what I will do. Maybe.
The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:21:16
This one I’m a little more fine with than some others as it went somewhere.
That said, usual it could’ve been better, too much repetition, bit of a mess…
Written at home.