Stupidity Hole

Due to being exhausted at the moment due to the joys of my body deciding to rail against the idea of sleep last night, here’s a bunch of words I wrote for NaNoWriMo today.

Not sure how this will fit into what I’m rambling on about for the event, but I’m fine with how… lacking… it is to share here.

I’m going to try and do a bit more writing later, but I might not. Depends on how soon my need to get sleep becomes overwhelming.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Alright, so here we go. Strap yourselves in, as this one is going to be a long one.

I’m going to try and draw details out as much as possible. There will be a lot of repetition. I bet you expected that, but you didn’t, or something. This is going to be long and boring. It will be sluggish. This is what we’re dealing with today.

Today I am writing about my experiences in failing to sleep last night, as I did indeed fail to sleep last night. It was a glorious failure.

Wait.

I did get to sleep, but it took a while. Ended up with somewhere around three hours of sleep. Not enough to function, apparently as I’m only getting started on doing things a few hours after midday. Oh well.

Anyway, here we go.

So this morning I was meant to go bushwalking around Otford. It was looking to be a nice day for it. Everything was lining up nicely. One thing wasn’t looking like it was able to be done, but that wasn’t a massive loss. That was fine. Everything was relatively fine.

Had planned it out, though there wasn’t much planning that actually needed to be done; something that I’m rather happy with. It was all straightforward.

Had to stay up a bit past when I wanted to go to sleep last night due to needing to work on things, but it was only but about thirty minutes over. Nothing too bad.

Got ready, got into bed. Don’t know what happened, but sleep just was not working. I was feeling somewhat-tired and needed sleep. Needed rest to recharge, but no matter what, no matter how much I tried to, I just couldn’t.

Didn’t think it would last as long as I thought it would (the not sleeping), but apparently it did and thus I have been impacted by the inability to get some sleep. I’m rather tired right now. Yes, there are worse things happening at the moment. Let my have my whinge.

So anyway, got into bed, no sleep. Just not happening. Nada, nup, zilch and so on and so forth. I had my eyes closed and I allowed myself to be lulled into relaxation, but that lulling just was not happening. I don’t know why. I do know, however, that I had to keep on going to the bathroom. Lie down for a while, maybe toss and turn (rather slowly), get up, go to the bathroom. Repeat. I don’t know why I had to keep going or even how I had so much of a need in me to need to keep on going. I don’t know how it happened or why it happened. I have my theories, but they are not worth discussing here as they eat up time and I don’t feel like discussing my need to go to the bathroom affecting my need to sleep in further detail than necessary, which now that I am saying this I realise is not necessary at all, but you get some of it, so what can I say? Other than, you got some of it and not all of it and probably didn’t need any, so I’ll keep that in mind next time, unless I forget, which I likely will as sometimes things just float on by and I don’t remember them when I should.

Instead of remembering those things what I do end up remembering are thins that generally don’t matter in some way or another relative to the situation in which I am in when I remember them, which sometimes is fine and sometimes is not. Perhaps this means that I need to work on my memory a little. I generally can remember things pretty well, but there’s always room for improvement. Shouldn’t stop improving when you think you’re good at something; should always continue to work on bettering yourself in whatever ways you can as that helps with things, or something.

Anyway, I think that what I’m saying here is that I need to remember things that I probably won’t remember, but so long as I keep on working on bettering my memory and all that stuff, then perhaps I can get better at remembering the things that I need to remember. Might take a bit of time, but I’m sure that with enough time I can get it done. Just need to give myself the time rather than not. Though now that I think about it, how much time do I have? All I have is time and it probably is better to not thin about how much of it there is and should just make the most of it in whatever way that I can, depending on the given situation, of course. However, that might not really be an excuse of which I can apply to this, so I really should just do what I can when I can as I can and keep on learning and growing and bettering myself and hope that one day I can consider myself a well-rounded, experienced person. It’s a nice goal to have and one that anyone should strive for however they can.

So anyway. there was a lack of sleep last night. There was a lot of using the bathroom. These things seem to go hand in hand and frolic off into vast open fields of swaying grass caught in the wind as it blows across the vastness of the fields that just so happen to be open, rather than closed off.

Well, they’re closed off in some way, but where they end is often difficult to discern unless you just so happen to be where they end, so they appear to be endless and that’s a nice feeling. Anyway, these things lie down in the grass and watch the clouds as some sort of sentimental music plays in the background as the clouds float on past. It’s meant to be an idyllic scene that I am painting here, but I don’t think I can continue trying to do so. I don’t think it is interesting and I feel as though I’m digressing a little too much away from what I am currently trying to convey.

However, maybe the digression can weave itself back into the narrative of which I am building based on my memories of what happened last night. I don’t know if it can as sometimes I have a predilection for digressing further and further away, but maybe I can wrangle the digression into a position where it connects back to the thing that I was initially trying to discuss. I don’t know if I can, however as perhaps at this point I’m too far gone and should just admit that instead of staying awake to type all of this out, it might just be better to go and take a nap. Problem with that is that if I do take a nap it will be more difficult for me to fall asleep tonight and I’d rather has an easier time than a more difficult time when it comes to the act of resting my head on a pillow in order to get some sleep for more than a short few hours. That would be nice. That would be greatly appreciated, let me tell you.

There are other things that I could say, but I won’t say them as they are not relevant, nor do they hold relevance within this period of time in which I am trying to communicate a situation of which may or may not be of my entire creation. I don’t know as to how easily I can get this across, but across is what it will get and how is the question we need to answer. If we cannot answer this question, then we should still dive into the heart of mystery, not with hesitation but certainty in our mission to discover that which we do not know so we can add more to the collective knowledge base of which many of the populace draw from on every day of which they exist. We must do this so that we can continue forward and truly build ourselves into a collective of those that know more rather than a splintering of those that know less.

However, that all said, it would be nice to get a bit of sleep. I’m really starting to feel it right now, but I must stay vigilant and keep on fighting off and pushing through it all and getting to the end of this so that I can move toward the next thing, whatever that next thing may or may not be. I am yet to discover it myself, but I’m sure that somewhere deep within my sleep-deprived thoughts I will find out what it is, though I need to cross the landscape of my own creation in order to find out, really. It may be perilous and it may be full of danger, but sometimes the adventure calls and you just have to accept and get on with it, for the things that it presents are worth far more than the act of not pursuing them at all, so I guess I better get on with doing that, or something.

Maybe instead of that I’ll just journey to the kitchen and then stand there for a while, staring blankly at the fridge, then come on back. It might be on the smaller side of things, but right now that feels like a massive undertaking that my body in its currently-increasing density and weight might have a hard time proceeding with, for I can feel the limbs being dragged down and slowly becoming unable to lift themselves on their own, for somehow I have managed to put myself in a situation where I am finding it harder and harder to move due to the lack of sleep overtaking everything that I love and hold dear and near to my heart, so I must decide that now is the time in which I dive into the internal rather than stay at the external and find a way to go inside and combat whatever this loathsome beast of burden is. I must ensure that victory is the target rather than failure, for if I do not, then perhaps failure will overcome and I may not have another chance. Not having another chance to succeed where others have not may not be the worst of things out here, but at the moment it is not a choice I feel I have. The only option is to pierce through the heart of non-somnambulism and come out to the other side in a beautiful, moving and flashy display of action against a lack thereof so that I can make it to the end of the day and slowly find my way toward something that does not resemble a trout pierced upon the moon’s crest as it chooses to embiggen itself in order to form a great idea of its appearance to those who dare deny and defy the truth of which has stared at them plainly in the face for millennia upon millennia.

That all said, however, I need to take this action sooner rather than later so that I can keep on going. You see, I’m feeling rather tired at the moment and this is a bit of an issue. I’d rather not feel tired as it would mean that I could get a bit more done rather than a bit less done. The issue is that I’m not great at pushing through being tired, though of course I do make sure that I do try.

Now, there is a reason as to why I am feeling tired and it is something that I am going to get into in just a moment. I need to wait a moment before I do, so right now this is my attempt at expressing the idea of waiting for a period known as a moment, though this sentence will likely take less than a moment to read, so I guess I’ll cut this bit short and thus get into the reason as to my current state of fatigue.

So what happened is that last night I tried to get some sleep. I was meant to go bushwalking today and I needed to get a good sleep, but unfortunately I did not sleep for as long as was required. Instead of sleeping for a length that would allow some sort of acceptable level of functioning and awareness for a walk through the bush, I slept for somewhere around three hours, which unfortunately is not enough sleep.

However, I won’t get into what happened as that’s all boring stuff.