One Thousand Word Challenge 217: A Long Ramble on a Sunday

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

It’s yet to be midday and I feel as though I’m on a roll, though I haven’t done much. I’m writing tedium and boredom and that really isn’t much at this point. Still, there are plenty of things to cover along the way and, if I can get all my writing done before midday, then I can get a lot of other things done this afternoon.

It’s still quiet outside and there’s a gentle breeze flowing through my window. I’m listening to gentle music and I’m sitting here, doing things. I’m living inside a room without enough light, but right now it feels fine. Right now it feels appropriate. That’s nice. I can live with this.

Some days are easier than others. Some days are hard. Some are unbearable. Not my first time being dumped. Don’t know if it’ll be my last. I do know that I’ll get through this. I’ll get through something and, at the end of it all, I’ll be okay. Maybe. I know I’ll be okay in some aspect. Hopefully it’s regarding employment and having a roof over my head mainly, but we’ll see. If I can get something out of all of this, so long as it’s something I can work with I’ll be okay. Or rather, I’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Too many things to worry about at the moment, and not enough time spent enjoying things. Too much difficulty, still needing to push on through it all. What’s new. And so on and so forth and that’s how it all goes, really. I’m trying to not think about how this is a rather unpleasant trifecta, but of course I’m  going to think about it. I keep going back to everything that’s happened over the last six-ish weeks, because very little before then has relevancy, beyond leading up and contributing to getting dumped. Fun times.

But I don’t want to keep going back to all of that. I could be heading off into The Blue Mountains, driving around and trying to find things I haven’t seen before. I could be trying to find new experiences and I could still be writing. I mean, I am writing right now, but I could be working on articles to publish. I could be finishing music off. I could be sitting on my verandah, reading a book and drinking some tea and just relaxing a bit more, even if I was still concerned about upcoming work. It’s a tough time. Obviously I’m talking about things that are luxuries in a sense, but I can’t spend much time doing them because my mind wanders back and the mood is cut away and replaced with a cloud forcibly attaching itself.

But, I’m still alive. I have to remind myself that I still have some time. It’s heavily limited, but I have it. I can do something about where I am at the present moment. I can turn things around, but I need other people to agree that I’m worth the time.

Job interviews is where I really need it to happen. That’s where things are toughest. I can sit one and I can do my best in one. I can be relaxed in one. Getting others to decide I’m the ideal candidate, however, is where they’re tough. Not having it happen makes things more difficult because it’s another notch in a list of issues that are exacerbating the main ones. Still, one has to keep on trying and keep on working on things in order to get to where they want to be, and one has to hope that others along the way agree with said trying.

So… what now? What else can I say? It’s still a nice day outside and I’ll probably get some mowing done this afternoon. My life is a mix of the mundane and the terrifying at the moment, though the mundane can be terrifying. Not in this instance. It feels like I’m expected to deal with my issues as effectively as possible whilst also functioning as an adult not going through what I’m going through. There are worse things to be dealing with, but this is rough and, as is standard, I need a break from everything. I need time to compress and unwind, and once more that’s not what I’ll be getting. But I’ll survive. I’ll persevere. Maybe.

I mean, I will survive and persevere, but maybe I’ll be successful at the end of it all. That I don’t know. I have my doubts, but one tries. One keeps on trying, mainly because I’ve got little choice in the matter.

But today is nice. Today is pleasant, and it’s a day where I need to get stuff done and will get stuff done. I am getting things done and I’m taking it easy and I’m circling around and I’m not feeling the most stressed at the moment. Maybe it’s due to some sort of magical power that I’ve managed to bring forth. I don’t know. Waves and all that, as they say. But I’ll keep going for now and I’ll keep trying to get done what I can get done. I’ll get it all done by the end of it all, but then there will be more things and that’s the way it all goes.

I’ve said it a few times, but I don’t want to be talking about these things. I don’t want to be talking about how I feel right now as it’s obvious and I’ve said it enough. But it keeps coming forward and that’s what forces itself out of me. What do I do? What can I say? But I can work with it. I can work toward better understanding, and I can work toward getting closer to turning it into something beneficial in some way. I don’t know how at the present moment, but I know it can happen and I know that I can make it happen, so maybe from here, it will happen.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 14:31:59

Could be longer.

Written at home.

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Sunrise Windows

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Recently I saw this building reflecting sunrise’s light and so I took a quick photo with my phone. The building looked illusory; it was a really lucky shot. A few days later I tried to capture the same thing with my camera (the photo below) and it didn’t work out the same way. Still, I like the richness of colour in this one. It’s not the best photo, but it’s pleasant to me.

Do wish the windows were cleaner, but what can you do?

This is my submission into the three hundred-and-forty-fifth Lens-Artists Photo Challenge. The theme for this one is “My Go-To Places“.

As my interest in photography has waned quite significantly and is likely on the way out, I’m not sure I have a go-to place anymore. Realistically it’d probably be The Blue Mountains or in a gig venue, where the space remains static but what fills it can be variable. However, I’m still carrying the camera with me wherever I go for the time being, and so as I spend a lot of time going to and from work, my route is my go-to at the moment. I get to go past this view most mornings and so it’s part of that route.

The host of the Lens-Artists challenges cycles weekly between the following people:

Tina

Patti

Ann-Christine aka Leya

John Steiner

Sofia Alves

Anne Sandler

Egídio

Ritva

This one is curated by John. The next one is curated by Sofia.

I recommend joining the community and participating in the challenges. They’re pretty straightforward, allow room for interpretation, and provide a good way to think about photography in general. If not, however, then at the very least you should check out what others submit to the challenges.

I hope you enjoy.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1490: Only a few Minutes

Posted on April 20, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Only a few minutes until six in the morning and it’s still dark outside. My window faces the west, however,  so it is to be expected that it’d still be dark from here. But there is a hint of light coming through. There’s something cutting into the dark and the world is waking up, and all of those other things.

This is the kind of time that’s good to go for a walk. Go explore the area whilst few others are awake and walking around. See what everything looks like under these particular conditions. That sort of thing. It’s nice as it’s usually quieter, and I’ve spent a lot of time dealing with noise.

I doubt it’s much more than anyone else, but I’ve spent so much time in my life not getting quiet, and I’m over it. I’m over the kind of disrespect people have for others. It’s pretty upsetting, and I just want to get away from so much of it because it doesn’t stop. I get some gaps. I get some brief rests, but then it’s back to noise and I just want silence.

It’s getting lighter outside, and it seems to happen so gradually that it’s instant. I don’t know if that is something worth considering. You know, perception of time and all that. Or rather, perception of change. We notice the change but we don’t notice it changing. It’s some for for thought, at the very least.

I’m sitting here, writing and wondering about whether I should open my windows. Let some cold air in whilst it still is a little cold outside. It’s going to be a warm day today, but right now it isn’t. Perhaps I should embrace that.

So it still is quiet outside and that’s nice, but the birds are waking up. Still, you get birdsong in many places and that’s something I know I can keep in my life. It’s always a pleasant thing to have.

More and more of the space outside seems to be waking up, and I feel fortunate to be able to witness it. I feel fortunate in being able to hear some of these sounds, but right now it’s before people start blasting music. It’s a pleasing calm that I get to bear witness to, and I’m thankful for that, because there aren’t enough moments like this that I do. Usually at this hour I’m getting ready to head off to work. Right now I’m tired and a little grouchy, but being able to have this outside my window is nice. I’m enjoying my coffee; I’m sitting here and getting a start on things, and I’m seeing a world outside that is still and waking up.

But I do like the quiet, and I wish I could have more of it. I can’t – at least, not right now – and one day I’ll find a space where I can. Where the sound of roads doesn’t lurk at the edges, and where I can hear more birdsong.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 07:33:87

So I just got up to switch off my light, thinking there’d be enough light outside to filter into here and I was wrong. Feels like this space matches what I wrote more now, however.

I wrote this without music playing. Not the first time I’ve done so and probably won’t be the last. It was a struggle. I stuck to it as it’s good practise and, as much as I love music, I should probably get to a point where my ability to do some things is decoupled from a reliance on it playing.

Written at home.

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Bulbasaur

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Been meaning to do draw in MS Paint again for a while, which isn’t unusual. After doing the last one, something in me broke and I decided I’d do every pokémon, ordered by pokédex number.

This bulbasaur is heavily based off of one of its Gen I artworks. I need to spend more time drawing as my line work needs a lot of improvement, so doing every pokémon will offer some good practise at the very least.

This was started on Monday and finished today.

I hope you enjoy.

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A Poem About Ceilings and the Sky

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

Not quite sure what this is about, other than on the surface. I wanted to write about the passage of time and that kind of came through, but also not. Anyway, this could be much better if I worked on it, but I won’t.

I hope you enjoy.

—

The days draw into weeks, into months, into years
Minutes absorbed staring into ceilings
Ceilings unchanging, always there, hiding the sky
No view of it for long stretches of time

The view beyond is easy to see, but difficult to know
The mind fills in the spaces between snapshots
Ceilings remain unchanging, obscuring a changing sky
Still as the earth, and moving all of the time

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One Thousand Word Challenge 216: Lean into Relaxation

Posted on April 19, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

It’s the afternoon and I’m trying to relax. It’s a sunny day outside, and it’s a little loud but it’s a little quiet. Trying to relax, but cannot, but that’s the way it do be. Should be doing more stuff than I am, but am tired. Need sleep. Might nap for the first time in years. Don’t know.

Sitting here, sitting here, doing much, doing nothing, trying to work out the way ahead. Trying to work out if there is a certainty to getting out of my situation. But also, just listening to music, trying to take it easy. Trying to get through things, but at an easy rate. And Why do I need to put any pressure on myself, anyway?

Why am I trying to pressure myself into writing? What am I doing here? This isn’t the way to go about things. The words must come naturally and I’m trying to push hard, and it ain’t working and so I’m stumbling. I gotta let go. I gotta relax. I gotta take it easy, or something. Or not.

But it is a nice day, and I can take it easy. I can lean into relaxation and I can unwind a little. I don’t have to charge into everything, and that’s fine. I don’t need to be anywhere at the present moment. I do need to keep on applying for jobs, but that’s not the hardest thing in the world… thankfully. Sometimes it is, however.

I’ve a few plans for the following days and there will be a lot of writing, but I need to let it happen. I need to set myself a schedule so it does happen, but I need to let the words come to me and I need to let them flow. Some of my best writing has not come from me trying to force myself, but rather just sitting down and just getting into it and letting it all come forward.

I guess I am trying to resist writing about getting dumped because I don’t see much point in writing about that when I want to be expressing many different things at the moment. I don’t want to keep going on about it… at least, not now. There are other things I want to cover, and I probably will touch on it again here and there, but for now it’s just writing about whatever and trying to let the words come naturally.

It’s about knowing where the weaknesses in my writing are, and trying to improve on those whilst also improving on my strengths. It’s also about a lot of other things, but that’s a good one to mention because it implies I’ll improve.

So I don’t need to force my writing and I don’t need to force words, and I need to try and rest and take it a bit easier. Easier said than done, of course. But I am resting, but I don’t feel like resting and all those things seem to spin into each other and congeal to form more stress even though there’s little reason to be stressed at the present moment. Little reason to do much of anything other than take it easy and keep on working on things so I get them all done in a particular order, which is to be determined by my constantly adjusting the priority of everything all the time, thus creating some sort of arbitrary and senseless stress and pressure to get more done with less time and… I don’t know where I’m going with this.

The day is still nice and that’s nice to know, because a nice day is a nice day, and I’m starting to unwind a little. I’m starting to let go. Or maybe, I’m starting to not grip so tightly, not push myself so hard and all that stuff. It’s cold in here, though I’m trying to get some warmth, but it’s still nice. The light falls on the area outside in an interesting way, and things are really bright, and some not so much. It all feels lazy, relaxed. Peaceful. Not a care in the world.

The scent of smoke coming in here is a bit concerning, but it’s probably a barbecue somewhere nearby. It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is just relaxing, unwinding and letting the words flow. Letting it all come together and then going on from there. That’s what matters right now. Well, that and everything else.

You know, I’m not sure where this is all going, because the struggle is kicking back in. I need more sleep. Last night it was low sleep, so tonight should be fuller to counterbalance. To counteract. To all of those things and those other things that lead to the things in things and so on and so forth.

So I’m trying to let the words flow, but my lack of sleep is kicking in and maybe it’s just not a day meant for writing. Maybe I should’ve held off and knuckled down and gotten other things out of the way. There’s always tomorrow, and maybe it’ll be a better, more productive day. Maybe today should’ve been another nothing day, because I’ve spent a lot of it doing nothing whilst trying to force words into particular orders, but I’m getting there. I’m still going to do some things.

Maybe I’ll scrap this once I’m done. I don’t know. I feel what I’ve written has been too scattered and too flat. But I feel flat and so if it feels that way to me, them it’s an accurate representation. I need to keep that in mind if I do indeed get rid of the whole thing. It sits in an honest space, but it’s not good writing. Could be far worse, of course. It’s not all bad. But we’ll see.

I think that, at the very least, I’m glad I’m writing this. I’m glad I’m getting this out, even if it’s not good. There’s still plenty of ground to cover.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 13:13:63

Not my finest thousand words. But I’m okay with it right now.

Written at home.

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Shota Kageyama: Soaring Illusions

Posted on April 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

I feel the start was strong, or at least had the potential to be strong and then I dropped the ball.

I wrote about the last piece and this one together as they both represent the same thing, but from different times of day. “Soaring Dreams” is of the daytime; this one of the nighttime. I think that, at the very least, the writing does reflect that to some extent, but perhaps not as strongly as I’d have liked.

Shota Kageyama’s (景山将太) “Soaring Illusions” (“天翔ける幻”) is from Nintendo 3DS Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Super Music Complete, the soundtrack for Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Gentle like quiet waves. Gentle like a calm breeze. There’s a flow and it is smooth, and the drama is there. The excitement runs through, but it’s rather low-key. Keys seem to rest on the framework; other sounds follow along and also seem to rest.

The spirit of adventure remains, but even though so much is amazing, things are more willing to stay low now. They keep looking, experiencing wonder, but above a quiet world there’s more willingness to drift and take it easy. Keep looking, but without a desire to speed along. Without a desire to go as fast as possible.

And so the sounds continue drifting with ease as they fade and the song ends.

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Shota Kageyama: Soaring Dreams

Posted on April 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

Not sure what I was going for here, and not sure if it worked. Fun bit of writing though.

Shota Kageyama’s (景山将太) “Soaring Dreams” (“天翔ける夢”) is from Nintendo 3DS Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire Super Music Complete, the soundtrack for Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Sounds stir and start rising before launching into full speed. The spirit of adventure and the grandness of open spaces becomes apparent as the sounds move with a full thrust. They glide and rise and fall, and keep moving. It’s all exciting and this moment is one to be treasured.

A slight rest of sorts before the sounds stir once more and continue on with their charging on. They carry upon them hopes and dreams, and all is expansive underneath. They carry on through an open sky, free, free to explore, free to journey in new ways, free to continue on, knowing that the future is bright. They continue on until they fade into the distance and the song ends.

 

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Stopping Sylvester Stallone in the Past Dream

Posted on April 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

I was checking out a place to move into and I was there with Fe. It seemed alright but I could see some water on the floor, and there was a leak but I couldn’t quite see it so I opened a hatch on the floor and went down slightly and I could see there was this cubic hole in the roof. I told Fe about it and whilst I was he was throwing balls at me. I told him what I thought about the place. Then we had to go back in time to stop Sylvester Stallone.

The only way to go back in time was to beat Stallone in the present unconscious, put hand sanitiser on him and then stab him with a nubby pendant. Thankfully he was somewhere on Norton Street in Leichhardt for a short period, but we only had one chance. So Fe and I went to Norton Street and we tracked him down. Stallone ended up behind a dumpster and fell over. We went through the steps and somehow it worked. The pendant had a mix of dark blue and green running through it, and it could split open in two halves, like a grabbing mechanism of some sort, but it didn’t need to be used for that.

So Fe and I went back in time and we were in the past, and past Stallone was more of a slippery eel than we realised and defended himself and started chasing us. Or rather, me, because Fe had to slow down and Stallone kept running after me. Eventually I was cornered so I explained everything to him, and he understood.

Then I woke up.

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Masaharu Iwata: Crypt Maze Theme

Posted on April 18, 2025 by Stupidity Hole

One listen.

Struggled a bit with this one. It’s a somewhat singular, yet changing piece and I didn’t do enough to capture what was going on.

Masaharu Iwata’s (岩田匡治) “Crypt Maze Theme” is from Evolution: The World of Sacred Device. As far as I’m aware, there was no soundtrack release for this game.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Bright, muffled percussion, ringing out, shimmering, shining. More comes in, offering a slightly different rhythm. Keys pressed on gentle moments, and something else seems to descend a little. Strings stir, and much melody comes forward. More sound comes in; more layers, filling a space, creating a scene. Painting a picture.

The percussion fades a little, and melody continues on. It draws rich and eventually comes to a halt and everything loops back. Everything builds once more, but keeps it light. It keeps itself based around it’s core rhythm and loop, and seems to look for painting a scene by adding to it.

There’s something a little sad in this, but it’s not the main focus. The focus is the transformation and change on moving over one section over and over, and letting atmosphere seep on through, all the way until the sounds fade out and the song ends.

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