Well, here we are. After years and years of research into the irrefutable, I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally cracked the code, pulled back the veil, lifted the sheet of deception from over our eyes, and now I know, and what I know I am going to reveal to you all, and you may be shocked. Prepare yourself.
For some, you may reject this knowing, and to be fair, that’s fair. Sometimes we would much prefer to bury our head in the sand rather than face the truth. However, it remains important that this information is brought to light, because we have an obligation to know, all of us.
I’ve learned a lot about chicken over the years. Through research I’ve been able to determine that chickens will be the dominant species in the future. I’ve also discovered that their beak P.S.I is comparable to the bite P.S.I of a great white shark, and the power known as a Chicken Bawkade. More recently than those, however, through lengthier research I was able to provide information about how chicken is the abyss. Well, those all pale in comparison to what I have realised and learned through this gathering of the data and seeing what the data tells me.
So… chicken. Chicken is a thing, and chicken exists, but perhaps chickens as we know them do not exist in the way that we know them. Perhaps what we see in these vast, poultry-based organisms… is a lie.
Think about it: They’re so powerful, yet so unassuming. So precise, yet so goofy. Regal, yet poorly, and everywhere. They are everywhere all the time and we don’t even think about it because we eat them. But of course we eat them, because what else is there to do? And so their spread throughout every cultural space is a given, because there are so many of them and they do all these things and peck and bawk, and sometimes scream at the grand horror of existence. But there’s only one way they could have become so all over the place.
Sure, we could believe that it is due to their being convenient and easy to work with; sure, it could be because they know how to huddle in deepened, darkened spaces. But maybe, just maybe, there is a higher plane of existence beyond what we perceive as reality… and maybe the humble chicken has already won the war and the fight.
But perhaps there was no war, and that is always the way it has been. Perhaps it is that chickens have set up a simulation for us to protect us from ourselves, or something. I do not know the reasoning, for I am not a chicken, but what I do know is that we are in a simulation created by chickens. We exist in a world where it is them and not us who set the rules and the ways that we can move about.
I discovered this by carefully examining my research and questioning its being so exact and irrefutable, because that shouldn’t happen in science. Something that is irrefutable cannot be learned from, and can do little to provide because it’s now set in stone. Done. It no longer has any worth or value that it can provide beyond itself… which I know isn’t exactly the case but you get the idea.
So I looked and I tried to work out what it was that was missing, if there was indeed anything missing at all, because it didn’t seem like there was. Everything was just too perfect and too what I needed to find out, so I did some more snooping. I went to where I thought I could and I started speaking to chickens, trying to work out why they were so fine and perfect and powerful.
This did not help much as I do not understand the speech of the fowl. So I kept on looking, trying to find something that would help me understand all of this. It was troubling, but I had to keep searching. I knew something would eventually have to come up.
Nothing came up.
But I kept looking anyway, trying to see where this was all going wrong. Trying to work out what it was that I was not seeing, but then I saw it. I saw the faintest glimmer on a dark night.
I was very much away from people, away from everything, despondent upon a hill on a clear sky, and I saw a chicken fade, and it was gone. Why the chicken was there, I do not know. I don’t even know if it knew I was there, for I was so saddened by this state of failure that I was undetectable in my sadness. But it was there, and then it wasn’t, but all of a sudden it was once more.
I watched the chicken leave and I felt an ominous crack within the fabric of reality, and it patched itself almost faster than it appeared, but it was just long enough to see the feathers and hear the bawking, and then it all came clear to me. Then all the dots connected, and I realised.
In those brief moments I saw chickens conducting and guiding, and pecking in code. I heard them communicate with each other, and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
I decided to head home to get some sleep as it had been a while, but the image, so clear and so striking in its brief existence would not leave me. I could not shake it, and eventually I started noticing oddities that could only be if we were being deceived by chicken. I realised that chicken was everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and I noticed how unassuming everyone was about that.
And now you know too, for it is the only way for everything to make sense; that we are in a chicken simulation, and that is all we’ll ever know.
The time it took to write one thousand words: 16:44:23
Not a bad speed.
This is another idea I had sitting for a while. Been meaning to to jump on it shortly after the abyss one was finished. Forced myself to do it just now. Could be better; could be worse, but it was fun to write, and might just be the last bit of silly chicken stuff I do. Unless something new comes to me, I’m fine with doing no more of this chicken fiction.
Written at home.
Stupidity Hole 