Ryota Kozuka: If You Wish To Live, Take My Hand

Posted on July 16, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

This is another one that I did over three listens.
It’s a short song and it doesn’t have much within it, but here it was more about giving me time to write more than it was time to explore, so to speak.

I feel that this captures the song well enough. Some of the writing here is more about the song and some of it is about the scene of which it is a part. Not great writing, but it’s fine enough I feel.

Ryota Kozuka’s (小塚良太) “If You Wish To Live, Take My Hand” (“死にたくなければ手を取れ”) is from the soundtrack for Shin Megami Tensei V, Shin Megami Tensei V Original Soundtrack.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Something heavy lands and lets out throbbing waves. Noise pours out as things unfurl and scatter. It is heavy and uncertain but there is no menace. There is shifting and there is shedding in a distortion of what once was.

Soon the noise gives way for voices fading in with ambient sound underneath. They loop and repeat as something grand occurs and reveals itself. From the noise comes a smoothness and that smoothness presents itself as something that is familiar, yet unfamiliar.

The sounds continue to elongate until the last one plays, almost with a slight rumble before the song ends.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1127: Bang out the Ramble

Posted on July 16, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

It’s a cold evening and I sit here and I bang on the keyboard. I try to think of things to say and nothing comes to mind so I’m sitting here and I feel restless but also in need of rest. I think that the evening is stretching itself thick and there is to escape from it, but it is not antagonistic; it just is so that’s fine.

I feel that so long as I keep on going for long enough I might get something done but there are so many things to do and I’ve wasted so much time so I’m not sure if I will get anything done. However, there is no point in letting uncertainty stop me from proceeding so I proceed. I keep on going with what it is that I’m going on with and I will see a result.

I really need to spend more time thinking right now but I just can’t help myself sometimes. Sometimes I just want to ramble and waffle on and I don’t necessarily mind if the results are a bit bland. I don’t mind that this thing continues on toward its end and I don’t mind that eventually I will be moving on and carving a different path. However, until that end comes I’m going to keep on going and not minding that right now I know I could be doing better with this writing and not doing better in the slightest.

Perhaps that is the wrong way to go about things but sometimes you need to let yourself be, or something.

So anyway I’m seated and doing this. I look out the window and a small hint of light comes through, but there is little it can do. Maybe it can hold out until sunrise, but right now it’s just there, shining out, providing a minute amount of illumination. Maybe it could provide more, but right now it cannot and that is the way it is when it comes to lights resisting night.

In here it is relatively bright and that brightness is sort of fine. It could be brighter, but I wouldn’t want it to be too bright. Too much brightness is not necessarily a good thing and so… yeah. It doesn’t even matter that much right now, if at all. However, maybe it will matter later. Maybe it will matter at some future point in time but I have no way of knowing that at this particular juncture in time and so I’m not going to worry myself with that. Would rather worry myself with what I’m going to do after I finish this rambling, though I already know and so I will do whatever that is and it will mark some sort of process in the forward direction, though maybe it will be backward.

Forward in time whilst backward in development of quality; that’s not that interesting, but perhaps it is something I should think more about but I won’t because I’ve no words left.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 06:31:38

Bit of a struggle this one, but I think it’s due to a lot of procrastination before throwing myself into this. I think.

Written at home.

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Ryota Kozuka: Ephemeral

Posted on July 16, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

This one was over three listens.

I went more for a sense of imagery – I think – as, whilst I think this is an okay piece of music, it’s also really on the nose and forgettable. Had I spent time describing the sounds and progress then it would’ve turned into a review and that’s not what I wanted to do.

To be fair in a way “Ephemeral” (“うたかた”) is the way it is by necessity, but I can’t shake the feeling that it could’ve been much better. I feel that Ryota Kozuka (小塚良太) has much more effective work on this soundtrack, but the song fits for its use which is a plus, but I digress.

A lot of what I wrote came easily as I was fairly in the moment, which I think was good. However, there is a bit of a sense of repetition which isn’t favourable.

Ryota Kozuka’s “Ephemeral” is from the soundtrack for Shin Megami Tensei V, Shin Megami Tensei V Original Soundtrack.

I hope you enjoy.

—

An expanding vastness both compressed to a small space and infinitely wide spreads out in a highly linear fashion. It drones and presents something otherworldly; there is mystery and there is menace. Suggestions of voices fade in and out and something deep rumbles in a smoothness underneath, and all keeps moving forward.

Something feels off and grandiose and heavily dramatic but it is not clear as to what and it remains at a distance. There is a need to step forward and step into it to work out what is what, but there is the possibility of no turning back. However, it remains enticing and engulfing, whatever it is, and the sounds carry vague bits of it forward.

Seemingly it reaches out, slowly looking to pull in and before it is too late it is moving toward, remaining as compressed and wide as it was beforehand. As a single point formed into a thread it continues on and it moves slowly and quickly and various ideas of sounds continue to split off and fade away, and it continues on as it fades out and the song ends.

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Soil & “Pimp” Sessions: Mingus Fan Club

Posted on July 15, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

There is a fair bit in this song; especially for its length, and I think that’s party of what makes it interesting. What I wrote here is surface stuff. Maybe I’ll write about the song in full some time.

Soil & “Pimp” Sessions’ “Mingus Fan Club” is from Planet Pimp.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Bass enthusiastically plays out a path and soon a series of strikes follow.

All start blasting away before letting a bit of groove in. Frenetic and energetic with a great deal of shouting but rather than feel like a chaotic mess it feels focused and joyous. When the groove hits there’s a bit of space but it’s a brief reprieve.

The striking returns, though this time with a slight more build. The blasting soon follows and it keeps the energy going. It thrusts and charges and picks up in intensity, seemingly about to explode but it comes to a rather sudden stop with a bit of a jerk.

The bass plays with a bit of a sly smile and a few keys follow, and the song ends.

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One Thousand Word Challenge 186: Raw Rambling

Posted on July 14, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

I try not to write when I feel emotionally raw. I feel that I may run my mouth in a way that is worse than usual considering the format in which I am operating in currently, and so I’d rather not. I’m also not feeling too emotionally raw right now but still a bit more than I’d like, but I’m going to write regardless.

Sometimes it is better to choose one’s words carefully and I know that I’ve written stuff here that I find highly embarrassing at this point. I’m yet to work out as to what I will do with said stuff, but it exists and… yeah.

Sometimes it is better to think things through before one writes is what I’m trying to say, but my spelling out what I’m trying to say is pointless here. It does little other than waste time and so I don’t know why I did it, other than to waste time. I won’t admit that, however, but I digress.

I’m sitting here and I’m feeling raw and sad and all those kinds of things and it’s due to family. That’s basically the whole thing. I’ll get more into that later as I’ve still a fair bit of rambling to do and, to be honest, I don’t know if I want to try and stretch the topic out. I’d rather be concise this evening, even if it means that I write at a slower pace.

Sometimes writing is as strong as it is weak. Regardless, it is something that should often be handled responsibly. Not always, but often. It is something that many of us have at our disposal and we should make better use of it than we do, though maybe we make good enough use of it as it is and I don’t know any better, though that is the likely case. Doesn’t really matter.

Sometimes writing is best used as a way to vent and get things off our chests. Sometimes writing is a great tool to allow the expression of emotion. Sometimes it really allows us to get everything out and then we never need to think about it again. That said, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop thinking about what I’m thinking about for a while.

I’m doing my best to be delicate here whilst not going into details, so I apologise if my language is clunky:

A few months ago there was an event involving a family member of mine. Nothing bad happened (as far as I’m aware) and the event led to what I hope is an improvement in said member’s life. I’m happy for them as it makes me happy to know that someone in my life is either doing better, or has the opportunity to get into a better position.

After the event the family member stopped talking to me as much. Fine, they were busy. It happens. However, gradually they talk less and less and then cut me out of their lives and I don’t know why. I know they’re doing fine but I cannot reach them directly.

Now to clarify they appear to have cut quite a lot of people so I’m not the only person here, but it still hurts. We’ve had a strained relationship for a long time but it had been slowly improving. They’re a bit of a jerk and have done things that are shitty, but they’re still family. There’s not much of my family I talk to, and the distance between the family members that I talk to and I is quite great so I value what time I can spend with them. It’s hard and so when one of them just cuts me out, it hurts.

It also hurts that, when speaking to someone who they live with, asking to speak to them and their advising they can’t but they’ll talk in a bit, they don’t contact me. But I can’t do anything about that and so at the end of the day I’ve got to get on with my life.

But it sucks and it hurts. I don’t know if I have done anything and without the contact I can’t confirm. It hurts because it’s family, but it’s also not the first time I’ve had this happen.

Many years ago someone I knew asked me to do something and not tell anyone about it, and for many years I didn’t. Nothing illegal; there was concern expressed about someone’s behaviour and I was asked if I could provide a number in case an intervention was required, to which I did. It eventuated into nothing; I was advised that things seemed to level out and turn out okay. The person whose number I provided, I asked if they’d received any calls and provided a vague answer that didn’t provide any info as to why I was asking, but they hadn’t.

It got back to the person who asked me and I apologised. I think they think I revealed the whole thing but I didn’t. A bit after I was asked by the person if I would always be honest with them and I told them yes because I always would. They were a close friend and I valued their friendship. A few months after that they stopped talking to me. No explanation, nothing.

A bit later after that they followed me on Instagram for a while but I didn’t reach out. I also didn’t tell anyone about what I was asked about helping with for a really long time because I didn’t want to betray their trust. It wasn’t a good thing to do and it created a fair bit of pointless stress and worry in my life.

I can’t comment on why people do things. I can guess but I can’t be certain. The truth can hurt but I’d rather hear the truth than have silence. I’d rather that than be left with nothing as nothing hurts so much more, but sometimes that’s all you get.

The time it took to write one thousand words: 25:51:23

Fairly slow but also pretty coherent.
Not sure if worth publishing though.

Oh well.

Written at home.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1126: In a Space

Posted on July 13, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

Currently I am in a space that I thought I’d never return to, or at least do everything in my power to avoid returning to. The interesting thing (if you could even call it interesting) is that I’m here of my own volition.

I don’t know how to feel about this.

Well, there are reasons as to why I’m here and it is due to making things a little bit easier, but that does not mean that I necessarily desire to be here. I’d rather be at home in lazy clothes.

Anyway, this is how this bit of writing starts. This is the introduction. You can probably get a good grasp on how the rest of this writing will go from here, but maybe you are not able to get a good grasp. Maybe there is only the illusion of a grasp and I’m pretending that that is not entirely the case. Maybe. We’ll see.

So anyway I’m standing as opposed to sitting and that’s probably going to be good for my health, but I don’t know. We’ll just have to see and in that seeing we’ll just have to know how it will all pan out, if there is indeed any panning at all. This is not a cinematic place; its light is provided my fluorescent tubes and it is cold and stressful. It is an ugly and cheap space that does little to mitigate noise and so all that is happening and all that will occur here will likely be heard by many. I imagine that my typing is echoing out a lot more than I’d like to admit and I don’t feel like I could do my best here, but then again I don’t think I’d give this place my best at this point.

Sometimes you’ve got to choose to not give something your all. Sometimes it is better to hold back instead of giving it your all and you need to know when to do things and when not do things and so on and so forth.

I think this incessant and vague rambling is not helping matters much but I cannot help myself. I feel compelled to do the things that I do and I keep on doing them as writing is fun. It’s not as fun when in a space that feels stressful to be in, but it still is fun and such is the way of things I suppose. That said, there definitely could be more focus here but that is not going to happen. Anything related to focus is going to go out the window at some point and so… yeah.

Sop anyway, I feel that I’ve said enough on this particular morning and so I’m just going to get on with the getting on and I’m not going to give my all, though maybe I will give all I can. It is yet to be seen and yet to be felt and all those other things that may sound like something.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:46:02

Wrote this a fair bit earlier today. Not sure why it took me so long to share.

I didn’t have much to go on and so I did a fair bit of stretching and it didn’t quite turn out.
Such is the way of things.

Written at work.

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Jeffrey Fayman and Robert Fripp: The Stars Below

Posted on July 12, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

This is another one of those songs where I thought I’d write out more than I did. It went by much quicker than I thought it would and I got too caught up in the emotional expression of the song, but sometimes that happens. Ultimately this doesn’t represent the song well, but I’m fine with the result.

Jeffrey Fayman and Robert Fripp’s “The Stars Below” is from A Temple in the Clouds.

I hope you enjoy.

—

Peaceful sounds stretch with warmth. They are close, yet remain out of reach. At a distance something shines and slowly a vast, overwhelming beauty spreads throughout a vast canvass. Gently and slowly movement allows motion and through the motion a welling of emotion comes unabated.

Sounds spread out and move around each other, searching, looking, and finding scene and they find and gain as much as they lose, but there are questions. There are questions and a sadness comes forward, but there is a joy in that sadness. There is a joy and there is a peace, and there is acceptance, and all is beautiful, even as it rises. All is beautiful and grand and vast and overwhelming, even as the song ends.

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Screamfeeder: Five Rooms

Posted on July 12, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

This had a quick turnaround but I dragged the editing out a little too much.
I started this yesterday. I’d been meaning to start writing about this album much sooner but that didn’t happen. Anyway, I knocked out a bunch of this yesterday and then went back to write some more today and then spent a number of hours editing and rewriting; just spread it out rather than getting the thing done quickly. I think in a way it paid off but I feel the result says very little.

Most of my interview and review work now appears on Culture Eater.
My colleague and I set up a Patreon to further develop Culture Eater as a source of good quality arts coverage from both ourselves and our contributors.

We’re looking at what we can give to supporters as we don’t want to set up a one way relationship, so suggestions are welcome. Podcast Eater is one of the things we’ve got going.

Please consider supporting, or at least sharing the Patreon page with others. Please also check out what our wonderful contributors are contributing.

I hope you enjoy.

—

After a solid tenure, Five Rooms is Dean Shwereb’s last album with Screamfeeder so it’s nice that opener “Day Crew” starts with him thumping away. From there guitar, vocals and bass follow suit, almost as though they are… well, walking into a space. From there the song plays out in a way that feels reflective and does so seemingly without heavy layering. It’s a good way to start as much of the album comes off as sparse.

So there’s a minimal and “small” sound to many of the songs; in a sense it suggests a raw sound to Five Rooms overall. It also allows the melodic qualities and the vocals to come through with a little more clarity, though the vocals seem to be a bit more at the forefront than usual so they probably would’ve been fine regardless. “No Past Tense”, “Everything is Temporary” and “How We Pay” carry better without heavy layering as they’ve the sense of space they require. Conversely, “Late to the Party”, “Deidre” and “Try to Find Us” work better as there’s little around that’s as big and dramatic (or snappy in “Deidre”‘s case).

Five Rooms feels like a slow album but it goes by quickly as nothing overstays its welcome. It’s difficult to claim that the songs get in and out; there certainly is a bit of fermenting, but there’s no tolerance for dragging. Screamfeeder know where to cut and where to draw out and so the songs feel the right length. There’s enough here to get some nice hooks and pleasing melodies through without beating things into the ground; there’s also the right amount of space for lyrics to get meaning across without becoming verbose.

Regarding meaning, there’s a bit of weightiness here, though some things come off as lighter than others. Some parts are more indirect than direct but generally the intent carries across, if not through the lyrics then at least through the delivery; speaking of which, is as solid as the instrumental performance. Vocal harmonies and melodies match the songs in a pleasing and appealing manner; there’s a lot of smoothness and a suggested softness which suits the whole album well enough.

Perhaps Five Rooms is not far from the unexpected for Screamfeeder. They’re doing something they sound at ease with and overall the album works fine as a collection of songs, many of which feel small. It is likely that they’d sound bigger live, but they work within the album’s context. Maybe this is a calmer Screamfeeder; maybe not, but it certainly is them still sounding engaged with what they are doing. These songs sound genuine. There’s passion here and it pays off. Five Rooms isn’t necessarily an immediate album, but it is satisfying.

Five Rooms is available here.

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Five-Hundred Word Challenge 1125: Procrastination Ahead

Posted on July 12, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

The day is here and it is firmly in the afternoon. I need to get things done but it has taken me a lot of time and so only now am I feeling like I am waking up. I look outside my window and I see clouds, but today I will not write about them. there are other things that must be taken care of and so those things I will take care of instead. However, the music I’m listening to right now almost seems perfect for writing about clouds, but I will still resist. I will remain resistant to their pull and allure.

I think about what a morning this morning already has been. It has been one full of drama and intrigue and a lengthy quest to seek a lost item, though it wasn’t as long as it felt. Now I sit here and it is as though I never left home, but I still feel tired and drained, but these are not things that I have the time to worry about. Right now what I must worry about is warming up and getting back to being writing fit. There are things that I must tackle before the end of the day, but I must tackle them in a way that involves no violence. As this tackling involves writing that shouldn’t be too hard to do, but maybe it will be.

Maybe all of this tackling will be a difficult endeavour and I only have myself to blame if it is as I’ve let things pile up far too much. It is not a good way to go about things and so I need to do better. I need to be better. I need to get on with getting on and I need to make sure that all I must do and all I will do is what I will get done. I need to also speak less in vague proclamations and actually get on with the getting on, but before all of that I will keep on speaking in vague proclamations. I will keep on keeping on and I will stay on the path that I am currently cutting for myself.

Once that is all done, then I can do the other things. I must procrastinate to an unreasonable degree and once I have done that I can then do the things. Sure, I could just not procrastinate but I desire to let the clouds pull me in as they drift on by, carrying condensation until it is time to no longer carry it and therefore let it all fall upon the earth to moisten the soil and hopefully allow for more vegetation to grow.

Alright, I think I’ve said enough about nothing. It is time to start moving toward saying something about something. There is a fair bit of work to do and there is little time to do the work; nothing out of the ordinary, so really I best get on with the getting on.

The time it took to write five-hundred words: 05:29:83

This one felt less smooth to write than yesterday’s but it still came out with some ease.
That said, I’m not sure as to a bit of what I wrote here as I was pretty switched off which is part of the point, but I imagine some of this comes off more as thoughtless than it does stream-of-conscious.

Written at home.

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Soil & “Pimp” Sessions: Man Steals The Stars

Posted on July 11, 2022 by Stupidity Hole

This was a pretty easy write I feel, though I did get stuck for a couple of moments.
I feel like “Man Steals The Stars” has a bit going on in it but it keeps things not feeling complex or dense and so it makes for a smooth listen.

I mainly aimed to just describe the song and on that front I succeeded. There probably is a lot of room for improvement but for one listen I feel this works well enough.

Soil & “Pimp” Sessions’ “Man Steals The Stars” is from Man Steals The Stars.

I hope you enjoy.

—

A calmness pours over gently, carrying with it the possibility of sound. Keys tinkle gently and soon something deep and bass-like comes in whilst bass itself moves in a gentle pattern. Vocals arrive and ambience leaves; seemingly a story comes forward.

Vocals stop and a squiggling takes over, though it is not for long and the vocals return, continuing their narration. Keys meet the vocals and something seemingly small and inconsequential comes forward.

Once more the vocals stop and brass comes in playing with a soft sharpness. They have energy but seem to express a weariness. Keys and the squiggle soon join them. Once they all stop the vocals return once more, seemingly more robotic and cold than before. Maybe they are just apathetic toward what they are providing.

Suddenly sound explodes and there is a sense of cacophony. All gains so much energy and hollers and hoots and even the vocals are more excited, but still seem uninterested. Suddenly it all calms down though, and the song ends.

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